had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
