i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize