2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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