I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
