Sponge bath it is.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
