I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
