if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
