He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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