summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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