sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize