mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
