6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
