i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
