never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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