Sponge bath it is.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
