He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
