Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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