yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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