Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
