i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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