Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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