I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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