i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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