you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
