The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
