never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
