plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
God, I missed his penis.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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