The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
