trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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