I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dicks are not precious.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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