my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
