sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
