she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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