I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
