You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
