come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
