I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
