I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
