Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
