It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
