I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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