i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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