I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
