VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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