did you get engaged???
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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