ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
