apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
