i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize