No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Panties = found
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