I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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