found the other keg... it's in the tree
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
