Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
