And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
