Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
