Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize