Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
