Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
