i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
