mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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