Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
