you traded sex for a burrito?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And then my night got REAL pukey
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
