Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
