Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
