I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
