Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
