Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
