I love black thongs
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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