I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
