Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
