All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
