I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i used baking grease as lip gloss
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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