Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
